{"id":350,"date":"2009-05-11T17:22:00","date_gmt":"2009-05-11T17:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2009\/05\/my-tightrope-walk.html"},"modified":"2012-05-20T16:30:06","modified_gmt":"2012-05-20T21:30:06","slug":"my-tightrope-walk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2009\/05\/my-tightrope-walk.html","title":{"rendered":"My Tightrope Walk…"},"content":{"rendered":"

More evidence that I tend to lead a double life. I have the honor of not just being a member of the military, but I’m also a proud Air Force wife.<\/p>\n

When I was active duty, I’d attempt to participate in spouse functions, sometimes successfully, but sometimes NOT. Most were very welcoming and I had a great time playing Bunco, going on shopping trips, and attending countless bridal and baby showers.<\/p>\n

The Air Force Wive’s group when I was in Korea in the late 90s was a prime example of not feeling welcome…most of their functions were tailored to times when the kids were in school, but once I made it to an evening event, and, to be honest, I wasn’t very comfortable listening to the men I worked with being referred to as “Billy”, “Joey”, “Tommy”, etc.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, when I was stationed with the Army in my first years in the USAF, many of the Army ladies’ functions I participated in were great! They seemed much more laid back, and I didn’t see the distinctions between whether your spouse is enlisted, officer, the commander, etc. And they certainly didn’t care that I was Air Force, not Army.<\/p>\n

If you’re a commander’s wife, you’re expected to be a leader in the spouse’s group. Obviously it isn’t required, but the other spouses will look to the commander’s spouse for guidance.<\/p>\n

“What in the world is making you think of this NOW?”<\/p>\n

Here’s what. Last week I attended a spouse’s appreciation function at Dave’s office. There were about 20 of us, we had a nice catered lunch and they even had some young Airmen who took Timmy and sat with him in a conference room where “Tale of Desperaux” was playing. After the lunch, we received the official Air Force Weather Agency briefing and then got a tour of the relatively-new building they work in now.<\/p>\n

I like things like this. \u00a0Dave will tell you about how much fun I have at social functions, and it’s important to me to know about the people and their families in Dave’s professional life, we help each other out in times of need.<\/p>\n

During the function, the AFWA commander came out and addressed us, thanking us for supporting our husbands and even giving us these lovely certificates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
From 2009 05 11 AFWA Spouse Certificate<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I felt like a heel. Honestly, what have *I* done lately to be a supportive wife to Dave? It should have been vice versa, someone should be giving DAVE a certificate thanking him for supporting his wife!<\/p>\n

It was great meeting other wives, I have to say. I’d laid low from spouses’ functions from when we got to Nebraska, mainly because I’d been quite busy since October preparing for my deployment. Now I’m finally getting to meet all the other ladies, including two wives of Airmen who are still deployed, who I had the honor of serving with while I was there. That was nice.<\/p>\n

With this certificate in hand (plus a number of other “thank you gifts”), I started to reflect on my current role. Dave is being considered for command real soon, and I’ll have to kick it up a notch in terms of my involvement if he were to become a commander one day.<\/p>\n

As a semi-joke a couple years ago, Dave’s Dad gave me a 1957 “Air Force Social Handbook” that he found at an antique store:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
From 2009 05 11 AFWA Spouse Certificate<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I enjoyed the foreword by Mrs. Nathan Twining<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
From 2009 05 11 AFWA Spouse Certificate<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Talk about kickin’ it old skool! This book emphasizes that being a military spouse holds you to a higher social<\/span>\u00a0standard than in civilian life:<\/p>\n

– \u00a0You MUST call on your Base Commander and your husband’s commander upon reporting to a new location.
\n– Calls are typically made between 7:30-9:30pm. \u00a0They shouldn’t exceed 20 minutes.
\n– If a senior officer and his wife arrive for a call, your role is to graciously exit.
\n– If a servant answers the door, you’re to hand a calling card<\/span>\u00a0to the servant who will announce your visit.
\n– “Only engraved calling cards are considered correct. \u00a0Consult a reputable engraver who will give you advice to size and form. \u00a0An officer’s card is 2 7\/8″ x 1 1\/2″, a lady’s card is 3 1\/4″ x 2 1\/4″. \u00a0The husband’s and wife’s cards should match in color, style and type of engraving.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
From 2009 05 11 AFWA Spouse Certificate<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Wha?????<\/p>\n

Holy smokes! \u00a0If today’s senior officers had servants now, I think the general public would go APE SHIT (pardon my French). \u00a0Who do you think pays for those servants? \u00a0Engraved calling cards? (I’m a Vista Print<\/a> fan, myself.) \u00a0The chapter goes on to discuss who in a group does and does not receive the calling cards (never to exceed leaving more than 3 at a function).<\/p>\n

Are you confused? \u00a0I sure am!<\/p>\n

The book continues much like an Emily Post etiquette handbook, discussion what to wear to breakfasts, brunches, luncheons, coffees, weddings, “dessert bridge”, “bridge teas”, formal teas, cocktail parties, suppers, something called an “At Home”, barbecues, and formal dinners.<\/p>\n

There are several miscellaneous items unique to military life, such as respecting foreign customs when living overseas, how to act at a parade (i.e., military parade), how to go through a receiving line, orders of introductions (i.e., “General’s Wife, please meet Captain’s Wife”…not the other way around)., how to work a room when socializing (senior ranking guests get your attention first), how to make a seating chart for a formal dinner, when to be “Mrs. David Vollmer” as opposed to “Mrs. Patricia Vollmer” or “Patricia Vollmer”, etc. (and it’s never “Mrs. Major David Vollmer”, thank heavens!)<\/p>\n

Well, that was definitely THEN. \u00a01957, to be exact. \u00a0Back then a military officer’s official record had not just records of duty performance, but it also had photographs of the military member AND of his family. \u00a0Seriously. \u00a0My first squadron commander’s wife showed me the official family pictures that used to sit in her husband’s record. \u00a0It had to be done once a year, and if you recently married or had kids.<\/p>\n

It probably started to fade about the time I came on active duty — the importance of the social aspect of officership. \u00a0You were expected to be a member of the base club, your spouse was expected to be active in the community and the wive’s club, and officers were expected to marry and have children at a certain point in his career. \u00a0Advancing in rank could even be held up if you were still a playboy and it was professionally time to “settle down”.<\/p>\n

This probably is most irrelevant to most of you, but heck, it’s on my mind and I thought I’d throw it out there for some discussion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

More evidence that I tend to lead a double life. I have the honor of not just being a member of the military, but I’m also a proud Air Force wife. When I was active duty, I’d attempt to participate in spouse functions, sometimes successfully, but sometimes NOT. Most were very welcoming and I had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[1],"tags":[622,625,20,616],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5ycQ0-5E","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":514,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2011\/02\/how-to-be-an-air-force-wife-1957-style.html","url_meta":{"origin":350,"position":0},"title":"How to Be an Air Force Wife, 1957 Style…","date":"04 February 11","format":false,"excerpt":"(Click on the pictures to see closeups of the text in the pictures).Several years ago I received this book from my father-in-law. \u00a0He got it from a friend who sells antiques. \u00a0Dad thought I'd be intrigued by it, and gave it to me as a tongue-in-cheek gift.I read the book\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"air force\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_yz59FVsseJY\/TUsleOvOJtI\/AAAAAAABQlg\/-SNEOe2fIX8\/s400\/IMG_6095.JPG?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":517,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2011\/02\/how-to-be-an-air-force-wife-2011-style.html","url_meta":{"origin":350,"position":1},"title":"How to Be An Air Force Wife, 2011 Style…","date":"10 February 11","format":false,"excerpt":"The reason I was inspired to post about that 1957 Air Force wife book last week was because I was thinking about getting some \"calling cards\" of my own. \u00a0I've done this in the past, it's great for trading playdate information on the playground. \u00a0It's also much classier than scrawling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"air force wife\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lh5.googleusercontent.com\/_yz59FVsseJY\/TVQODsuGjHI\/AAAAAAABQ5k\/6d8YoyKUOcM\/s400\/IMG_4255.JPG?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":609,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2011\/07\/change-of-command-time.html","url_meta":{"origin":350,"position":2},"title":"Change of Command Time!","date":"12 July 11","format":false,"excerpt":"Hey -- is this lady really juggling for you? \u00a0In my blog post draft this is animated!Today I'm doing a \"reset\" of sorts. \u00a0As great a time as we had at Disneyworld, on our road trip, and hosting our North Carolina friends\u00a0showing off the sights of the Florida Panhandle, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"air force\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1445,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2012\/09\/hurlburt-birthday-ball.html","url_meta":{"origin":350,"position":3},"title":"The Hurlburt Field Air Force Ball","date":"21 September 12","format":false,"excerpt":"Hurlburt Field had their first ever Air Force Birthday Ball last weekend. 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Incidentally, the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"air force\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":114,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2008\/04\/two-air-force-friends-ill-miss-you-part-1.html","url_meta":{"origin":350,"position":5},"title":"Two Air Force Friends…I’ll Miss You! Part 1.","date":"07 April 08","format":false,"excerpt":"This has been quite the past two weeks. Two deaths.You might remember me mentioning that I'd had a slow day because I was upset about a high school friend's death in combat in Afghanistan. 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