{"id":288,"date":"2009-01-01T15:45:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-01T15:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2009\/01\/happy-new-year-friends-a-smile-for-you.html"},"modified":"2009-01-01T15:45:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-01T15:45:00","slug":"happy-new-year-friends-a-smile-for-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2009\/01\/happy-new-year-friends-a-smile-for-you.html","title":{"rendered":"Happy New Year, Friends! A Smile For You."},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy New Year to my Blog-readers! Thank you for your continued support, hopefully I’ve done my job in keeping friends and family informed of my goings-on this past year. While attempting to keep it entertaining. <\/p>\n

This funny story came to me from one of our North Carolina neighbors. She and her son and his girlfriend used to dogsit Howie on our many weekend roadtrips.<\/p>\n

To my Dog loving friends out there<\/p>\n

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES…..<\/p>\n

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……<\/p>\n

\"\"
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!<\/p>\n

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary… <\/p>\n

\"\"
Day 983 of my captivity..<\/p>\n

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.<\/p>\n

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.<\/p>\n

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.<\/p>\n

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.<\/p>\n

Bastards.<\/p>\n

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.<\/p>\n

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try th is again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.<\/p>\n

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.<\/p>\n

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now………………<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Happy New Year to my Blog-readers! Thank you for your continued support, hopefully I’ve done my job in keeping friends and family informed of my goings-on this past year. While attempting to keep it entertaining. This funny story came to me from one of our North Carolina neighbors. She and her son and his girlfriend […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[],"tags":[14,56],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5ycQ0-4E","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2770,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2013\/12\/holiday-cookie-roundup.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":0},"title":"Major Mom’s Favorite Holiday Cookie Roundup","date":"04 December 13","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm a one-trick pony: I make the same cookies every year. I've written pretty elaborate posts about them in 2008 and 2011, so this year I just want to round them up for you. Today is the day I plan to address all of my Christmas cards once and for\u2026","rel":"","context":"With 4 comments","img":{"alt_text":"No matter what cookies we make, there's always some for Santa! What cookies are you making this year?","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/IMG_0501-1024x768.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":685,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2011\/11\/black-friday-laid-back-style.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":1},"title":"Black Friday…Laid Back Style","date":"26 November 11","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Black Friday friends!I occasionally have done the first-thing-in-the-morning thing on Black Friday. \u00a0Of course, that was back when Black Friday had a morning to it. \u00a0Now it's more of a Black Thursday Night, since that's when you have to get going to make it to the stores for the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"christmas\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-3qD4vMFJ-Gc\/TtBAd57vIfI\/AAAAAAABbzo\/-ZjNTmRQJs8\/s640\/IMG_6236.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1360,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2012\/08\/first-day-of-school-2012.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":2},"title":"First Day of School 2012","date":"21 August 12","format":false,"excerpt":"Enjoy a nice picture of the boys just before they headed out for the school bus yesterday. \u00a0The boys both have great teachers this year and both have been reporting good days so far. Jacob's happy to have many of his friends from last year's class in his 4th grade\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"kids\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/FirstDayOfSchoolCollage.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":290,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2009\/01\/howie-my-forgotten-baby.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":3},"title":"Howie, My Forgotten Baby","date":"04 January 09","format":false,"excerpt":"I just realized that I never blogged about Dave's and my first baby, Howie.From HowieThe day we got him, he had to wear the leash for about 24 hours straight and the crate was his home for the first 18 months or so.Or Howard.Or Howie-the-Wonder-Dog.From HowieHowie is our 8 1\/2\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"family\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":563,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2011\/05\/mothers-day-2011-or-what-your-kids-really-think-about-you.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":4},"title":"Mother’s Day 2011…Or "What Your Kids Really Think About You"","date":"09 May 11","format":false,"excerpt":"Hopefully the Moms reading this had a nice Mother's Day. \u00a0I enjoyed a nice day with my boys. \u00a0I've cracked the code for happy kids: a trip to the beach! \u00a0They were happy, I was happy watching (and catching a few waves with a Boogie Board!), all was well with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"crafts\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/_yz59FVsseJY\/Tcc6msQI58I\/AAAAAAABVfE\/F-idvpxgBJ8\/s400\/IMG_4707.JPG?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":125,"url":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/2008\/04\/how-many-products-does-it-take-to-screw-up-your-fridge.html","url_meta":{"origin":288,"position":5},"title":"How Many Products Does it Take to Screw Up Your Fridge?","date":"23 April 08","format":false,"excerpt":"That's my fridge. I love it. I think stainless steel is sexy.But...over the past 3 years, my boys have had a field day playing with their letter magnets, their Thomas and Friends magnets and their keeping-up-with-their-chores magnets.So the front is now pretty beat up.Again, in anticipation of the house going\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"housework\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/288"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=288"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/288\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/thevollmerfamily.com\/MajorMom\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}